Dating oral herpes

I had barely finished my first semester of college when I found out I had herpes. A high school friend and I wound up taking our friendship a little further, and
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He only told me cuz I saw this zit on his lip and he assured me its a zit and ofcourse I was scared to kiss him but then he got annoyed that I wouldnt kiss him. Everything to him is no big deal but to me I'd hate to have blisters all over. Last edited by conehead; 10th July at 1: Originally Posted by boogieboy. Originally Posted by dreamergrl. Actually, it's quite common to get it as a kid.

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And for the poster who said just don't kiss him when he breaks out, you can still get it from shedding. You can't be immune to it When he did a herpes test as part of the std screening, it came out negative. He doesnt know whether it's HSV 1 or 2, but seeing that he gets it on his lips and it's since he was a kid, im guessing HSV 1 oral kind.

Herpes Simplex Virus in Depth / Alynn Alexander, MD

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Add Thread to del. Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on! Page 1 of 3. Originally Posted by boogieboy Yeah I have to find out if I have it. Originally Posted by dreamergrl Actually, it's quite common to get it as a kid. Does he have HSV 1 or 2?

But immediately after, I ended up going back to an ex who I knew had HSV1 and I think I stayed with her for the next six months as a default position just to not have to face dating other people and trying to figure out how to deal with this. Unfortunately we were just as wrong for each other the second time and broke up again. When is a good time to tell someone this? After the first date? Before the first kiss?

How to Live and Date with Herpes

Do I stop performing oral sex? I think the big problem is not just telling people but having to educate them. If you tell someone you have oral herpes, they will probably not think it's that big of a deal if there's no cold sore present, and they may have no idea that they can contract a genital infection from it. Is it your place to make sure they are thoroughly educated about the risks, or to simply disclose? The situation was probably as scarring for you as it was for your ex, and I'm glad you're starting to get over it a little bit. I think you should definitely tell people before you have sex with them, but as for kissing and incidental stuff, I wouldn't go overboard if I were you.

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Recently I refilled a woman's water glass at a restaurant and she immediately told me that she had HSV1 and that if I touched her glass, I should go wash my hands immediately. Her husband and kids didn't bat an eye, apparently this is everyday behavior for her and no, she didn't have any visible sores or anything.

I think you can probably strike a better balance than she did.

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Maybe a kiss is an acceptable risk. But evaluating what is an acceptable risk is not your choice , it's the choice of the person you're kissing. Which sucks for you. But better to lose out on kisses than go through the guilt and remorse you'll feel, and bad life choices you'll make "I stayed with her for the next six months as a default position just to not have to face dating other people and trying to figure out how to deal with this" if you again inadvertently infect a partner with an incurable disease.

If you have sex with someone, you have a responsibility to disclose any and all potential sexually transmitted diseases they may incur. It sucks so much. It is the shittiest thing in the world. But oftentimes, honesty earns a deeper and more awesome relationship than anything else.

If we all just told each other the truth, then maybe things could get back to normal, maybe we could start treating std's like we treat every other sickness. What a horror story - I'm so sorry that this happened to you. My Peer Health Educator days are over a decade behind me, but back then they told us to tell our peers at sexy and fun dormitory workshops!

Dating With Herpes: How to Tell Your Partner - Health

I wouldn't worry at all about kissing, and if you let a girl know before going down on her that you have had cold sores in the past and could possibly be sheddding explain the whole deal, the fact that "cold sore" is a euphemism, that fact that the oral herpes virus can be transmitted to the genitals, etc. I'm not sure why the doctor told you to get off Valtrex--it works against both types of herpes.

The problem is the literature surrounding herpes is a lot like the literature surrounding HPV. The disease itself isn't fully understood, transmission and infection rates aren't predictable or consistent between studies, it's difficult to tell if someone is "active" or not or infected or not the blood tests don't give the full picture , and literature on prevention and severity of infection range from "This is the worst STD ever next to AIDS, ever" and "Everybody has it and it's totally not a problem so chillax, dude! Because some people can have it and for whatever reason never transmit it to their partners, and others will transmit it to their partners but their partners won't have an outbreak, and some will transmit it and their partners will have an outbreak.

And because for so long doctors thought only one type of herpes occurred orally and only one type occurred genitally--which we now know to not be the case--that adds extra confusion to transmission rates. You are in the unfortunate position of being caught in all of this confusion, with doctors telling you to chillax, but you giving your partners terrible outbreaks, and never having an outbreak yourself.

4 Questions You Probably Have About Dating With Herpes

I think the safest thing to do is go on the Valtrex, and tell your partners before you kiss. It is a terribly shitty road to take but it is the high road. Also--Ken Dahl has written a great comic series called Monsters about his own contraction of herpes and how he deal with transmitting it to partners and disclosure and shame and whatnot.

You can get it here or here and possibly other places, those are just the first few Google results. Warning, he's only through issue 3 so things are still pretty depressing.


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But what I read in the comics echoes a lot of the same things you're going through so it may be comforting in a way. Assuming I am not infected, I would very much like a fighting chance at staying that way. FWIW, if you were conscientious enough to have that conversation with me, I would think "wow, what a caring guy," not " wow, what an overprotective freak. Again, yay for informed consent. Definitely tell them before there's any possibility of mouth-to-genital contact. Personally, I tend to think it's optimal for both partners to get a basic slate of STD tests before any mouth-to-genital or genital-to-genital contact.

However, I don't think it's necessary to tell them before kissing. I think we, as a society, have decided not to be too worried about oral transmission of HSV1. If you want to go above and beyond the call of duty, or if your partner seems especially worried about disease, then disclose before locking lips. But it doesn't seem reasonable to expect that, given that your prospective partner is just as likely to get infected the next week by sharing a slice of cheesecake with a couple of her best friends. I think we, as a society, have decided not to be too worried about oral transmission of HSV1 "We", white man?

I do this because I have a horror of inadvertently giving an STD to a partner.

Which I note the OP also did: But my body, my choice. Please don't make that choice for me.