Satire on online dating

It's crazy that we use these “apps” to meet perfect strangers (and yes they are perfect strangers). We bestow upon them a certain level of trust.
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Girls do this stare at the phone thing, makes them all anticipatory. Don't give them what they want. Call her in a couple of days or if you get horny again. Also, after sex, just roll over and go to sleep, even if she hasn't had an orgasm yet. You did a lot of work and you're tired, and you have important work to do tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Especially if she's read the Girl's Rules that tell her to do this, you won't have to worry about long phone calls. I mean girls can yak so long on the phone. Don't give her any warning about a date. Make sure she stays free all the time in case you call. And more to the point, keep yourself free in case something comes up elsewhere, if you know what I mean. If you call and she's not available, act real hurt, make it seem like you will end the relationship if she does this a lot.

That Time Master Yoda Tried Online Dating – P.S. I Love You

Tell her what she wants to hear ie. You like long walks on the beach. You like to cook. You're looking to settle down in a country home with that one special girl. You love horses, paris, chick movies, sushi and Meryl Streep. You support her goals.

Online Dating Satire

Tell her you're rich, famous, whatever. She'll figure out the more ridiculous ones eventually but if you play this right you'll get laid first and have her captured.

Don't be scared to eventually talk to her about "the relationship" -- girls go for this. Just be sure not to believe it yourself. Stop dating her if she doesn't put out by the second date. Pretend like you're not super eager to get laid but drop the hint with gentle physical contact. It is nice to date easy chicks and all and get laid on the first date, but some of the hottest ones like to wait a date. However, if she doesn't at least give you a blowjob by date 2, 3 at the latest, there are better investments out there.

On date 3, remind her of the "third date rule. Tell her you love her. This is the big corallary of rule 7. Don't do it right away but definitely do it if she's showing reluctance on that blowjob. Practice saying it like you mean it. As the old saying goes, "Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that you've got it made.

No more than casual sex on the first, or th date. Definitely don't get too involved, as she might ask to be monogamous or something. Make sure that you never let yourself get tied down. Tell her what to do. Hey, in the end they all want to be dominated. So make all the decisions and see how she goes for it.

If so, you can probably get this to continue in the bedroom. No girl is perfect, but most of them like to please a man so you can change the one s you have to fit your needs. Be the bad boy. Girls love the "bad boy.

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Either way, you can be as bad as you like. Treat her like she doesn't exist.

Wear cuffs and a leather motorcycle jacket, even if you drive a Hyundai. Park the Hyundai somewhere else and walk to where you meet her, though. Remember, nice guys don't get laid. Don't let her know anything she can pin on you. Girls like to get close to their guy, and "communicate. Invent deep intimate stuff you can tell her in bed, she'll go for it.

If you can't think up your own, buy one of those books with Fabio the guy from the "I can't believe it's not butter" commercials on the cover and be one of those guys. God, this guy can't tell butter from margarine and chicks swoon over him? Something strange going on here. Don't tell her you're married! For some reason they get really upset. When you take off your ring, get some tanning lotion or put your hand under a sunlamp to make sure it's not visible where you took it off.

Or tell your wife you just don't want to wear a ring; invent some sort of bizarre hand disease or rice picker accident. Anyway even the ones who haven't read the Girl's Rules don't want to date married guys so don't let her or your wife know. So stop playing with me and hook me up, Tinder. If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.

New year, new you. Christmas songs that grind my gears. Three unknown facts about Ora Hirsch Pescovitz. Biggest shopping day of the year comes to Oakland. Show Thanksgiving some respect you hooligans. My least favorite season: The Terror of Oakland University. The three spookiest sights at OU. This dude used to be a good rapper. All about that lyfe?

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You mean real life little girl? Not even a fucking AA. You do know that school gets progressively harder the more you go up in grades right? If any guy can find half nekkid pics of you, then ALL guys can find half nekkid pics of you, so what makes you special?