99Türkiye is the place for Turkish people from around the world who're looking for friends, dating or a life partner.
Table of contents
- American Woman And Turkish Man - Turkish Dating and Romantic Relationships - Turkey Central
- Further advice:
- Dating Customs and Traditions in Turkey – Love and Weddings
To find out after all these years I think in your case if it wasn't her culinarily skills at fault she was testing you to see if you were made of sterner stuff, You obviously passed the test: Hi ChicaI'm a little late adding to your thread, as I just got back from Turkey to Uk last week, and have been settling back home and catching up. I'm a relative newly wed to some of the others here - I've been married to my Turkish hubby for 5 years.
Giving you my take on 'Turkish Culture' would probably take ages, and probably be useless to you. In the end, you make your own culture in a relationship. The generational differences you wonder about are more apparent in some areas than others. There's a good chance that if you visit a village, you'll see that most girls move from their mother's house to their marital home - or maybe even to their mother-in-law's house - and they would expect to lead quite a domesticated life of housekeeping and visiting family.
As someone has said already, there's no substitute for actually going over there for a visit when the time is right. Visiting your boyfriend's family may give you an insight into the sort of family roles that he envisages - but then again, having expanded his own horizons, he may choose to live differently to them! Still, it helps build the picture of what has made him the person he is.
A member of the forum I run for girls with Turkish partners sorry for the blatant plug!
American Woman And Turkish Man - Turkish Dating and Romantic Relationships - Turkey Central
She's over in Turkey at the moment, having just had their Turkish wedding and staying with the family for the first time. You could either look out for her on the site see the link below in my signature , or I could put you in touch with each other if you like. But don't feel obliged - just if you think it might help. I wish you luck in your relationship. I know many girls who having met a Turkish man have a real thirst and curiosity for all things Turkish - but in the end, I think it's good to see faults and pitfalls as well as seeing the good things.
Every culture has its good and bad aspects. Hope everything works out well for you. Wow, you've asked so many questions that it's difficult to know where to start. Firstly, what I would say to you is, try to keep your feet on the ground and let things take their natural course. You've only been dating this man for just over a month, and as he works such long hours - and there is a language barrier - you'd do much better in getting to know him as a person by going out with him and sharing time together, than by trying to find out every nook and cranny about his culture - when he doesn't even intend on living in Turkey - and is hoping to settle in the US.
I know it's natural to want to discover a little about someone's culture when you start dating someone from a different country, but only having known him for a month I get the impression you're focusing too much on his background, almost as though you're banking on spending the rest of your life with him. It seems terribly quick to want to know all the ins and outs of his culture at such an early stage. I know you say there's a lnaguage barrier between you both, but really, the onus is on him to learn your language - he's the one who wants to settle in the US out of interest, what is he reading for his PhD and what language is he studying it in?
It's also him who needs to learn about your culture and how he'll have to adapt to living and settling in the US. Of course, if your relationship continues, deepens and becomes serious, then you will want to know about his family background etc - just as you would any man.
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But trying to learn about this man by studying Turkish culture is pointless: Some are very Westernised and some are not; some are very liberal and some are very staunch. And with all due respect, finding out how to make good Turkish coffee is not going to make him fall in love with you - he'll just think you're a good coffee maker. I can tell you now that my partner who I've been with for 7 years doesn't rate my Turkish cooking skills, but he still loves me despite that, and he still respects me. When you said your boyfriend told you that Turkish men respect women who cook, clean and go out to work, I'm inclined to think it's more to do with them liking them to clean and cook, than respecting them for it.
So if you don't mind me saying this, I'd be a little wary of that statement of his. It sounds like he's letting you know now what he expects from a wife, and he's sweetening it by saying it's a 'respect thing'. Regarding him paying for you when you go out on dates, all men the world over usually like and expect to pay. There can be instances where the woman does pay her share, but as a general rule the man likes to foot the bill.
Further advice:
So I don't see that as strange or abnormal. In certain circumstances a couple may split the bill, but usually it's the man who pays, so you should stop concerning yourself with that.
Besides, he has no qualms about paying, so why are you so worried about it? He wants to pay - so let him. As for him buying you an evil eye, shawl and a shirt for your birthday - I don't think that's excessive. Incidentally, where did he purchase them from? Do you have a Turkish centre near you? I did notice you saying that you felt he was trying to 'buy you' with gifts - what made you feel that? If you sensed he gave them to you with ulterior motives, it might be worth you delving more into what he actually wants from you. There's no suggestion at this stage that he's after a green card by marrying a US citizen, but it's something you need to be made aware of.
Ultimately, if I were you I would just enjoy dating this man and getting to know him, and allow the relationship to progress naturally Just enjoy your time together and see how things go - it's very, very early days, still Personally I'd never go running after a man to do all things Turkish for him and I've never learnt how to make Turkish coffee although we do go to our neighbours most mornings during the summer for a cup.
Just be yourself and do things you're comfortable with. Too many young women like to rush around and do all things for their man instead of sharing work and then later they are not happy when he has got used to this way of life being waited on hand and foot. Anyway, as Strawberry says, it's early days so take it easy. Hello Chica, after reading your post earlier this morning I have been thinking all day what other advise to give you but I cant think of anything as everybody have covered it all above. As Strawberry and many others have said dont go doing things for him that make you uncomfortable.
I think he is doing all these things for you as he is comfortable with them and he is just being himself so you should do the same aswell and stop worrying about culture. When I first met my husband 5 years ago I was the same as you and I was so worried about the culture and how would I cope to changes that it made the start of our relationship very stressful for me when I should have been enjoying the early days and taking each day as it came. You have only been seeing each other for a month, would you really worry about an american guy being to much of a gentleman if you were in a relationship with him?
I dont think so. This turk have clearly told you his plans are to stay in the US after he finishes his studies and he sounds pretty westernised to me, well he must be to survive in a country like America. The only thing I will say is to always communicate with each other, if you have a problem with him tell him and make sure he does the same with you. Even if there is a language barrier be patient and dont try finishing sentences for him or thinking they mean 1 thing when he means another. When I first met my husband he didnt speak alot of english and we had the same problem but slowly slowly we sorted that problem.
I hope it goes well for you, just relax and enjoy the relationship. Lots of love Samantha. I have to agree with many of the above posters, too, chica! My first advice for the coming months: If he says something that makes you feel controlled, in Turkish culture it could be considered a kind of protection. It's up to you to decide if you feel controlled Although it is not something I have to partake in, it is a subject that fascinates me.
A Turkish male friend once told me that one night stands are not really a thing, and especially not for women no big surprise there. Another Turkish male friend told me that although men and women can be friends, growing up in large mixed-sex friendships groups is a lot less common than in other parts of the world. He also told me that if a girl and a boy are friends, pretty soon one of them will develop a romantic interest in the other. Religion is of course the major player of why this is the case. Sex is seen as something that should happen between a husband and wife, and practiced according to the teachings of Islam.
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With a religion that severely subjugates its women comes an unfair balance between the roles that men and women play in courtship, marriage, and sex: Marital rape and domestic violence are both common practices, especially in rural areas. He justified watching and sharing the video by saying this: Then it is not private. We cannot view adulterers as victims. The question begets why the Turkish government is so obsessed with sex.
Dating Customs and Traditions in Turkey – Love and Weddings
It could be out of either envy or obsession caused by self-suppression. Some sort of a covetous behavior perhaps. The consequences of this conservative view of sex are dire—for both men and women. Growing up, men believe that women are sacred prizes to firstly win, marry, bed, and then—as sexual freedom is not encouraged and many men and women from more conservative families will sleep with no one before they get married—cheat on.
When my partner and I first arrived in Turkey, we stayed with a pair of uni students. These two young guys would have big groups of their male buddies over most nights but I never saw a single woman. When I would be cooking, he would come and stand next to me and just stare. It was very uncomfortable but also enlightening.
Needless to say, we moved out soon after. The problem is that women and men are not encouraged—on a large scale—to live together as friends in a share house or even as partners before marriage. Do you trawl cafes and bars hoping to bump into The One? Do you sign up to dozens of extra-curricular activities, and find yourself not only strapped for cash, but with your schedule chock-full of sewing lessons, cat enthusiastic meet-ups, and life drawing classes?
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