Relationships dating and sex in college

If you're looking for real talk about sex, dating, and love in college, look no .. “ We can form unhealthy relationships with the thing that is supposed to aid in our .
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From the standpoint of the law, any intoxication can mean a sexual assault has occurred. That's not a bad thing, as the laws around sexual assault should be conservative like that. Realistically, we know people have sex under the influence they mutually report, before, during and after, they feel is consensual. Still, we strongly advise sticking to sober sex, period. One can always meet someone intoxicated, and get contact info to have sex when everyone is sober, but that's not how things always play out in real life. So, if you're going to go in intoxicated or with someone who is, clear verbal consent is a MUST, not a maybe, and ANY indication someone is simply wasted, or isn't aware or alert or all-there should be a stop sign, no argument.

And really, if you want to play it safe, don't mix sex and alcohol.

Boys in College Dating, Relationships and Sex

If you're sexually active , it's important to keep up your sexual healthcare, whether you need or want STI tests or contraception , or just to stay current with your general check-ups. If you have the anatomy for it, schedule a gynecologist visit once a year just to make sure there aren't any issues you need to deal with. If you've got a penis , a urologist is the specialist to see. Some campuses will have these types of doctors on staff at their health center, but others may not.

If there isn't an on-campus resource, you can look for nearby sexual healthcare centers. You can also ask your general doctor for a sexual health check-up, or for advice about where to go for sexual health services. It's good to know where these resources are and how to access them before you ever need them: If you've been sexually active and especially if you've been having any unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse or oral sex you'll also want to keep up with your STI screenings.

Many campuses health centers at least offer Chlamydia and gonorrhea screenings as these are two of the most common sexually transmitted infections and can be detected with a simple urine test. Others may offer more comprehensive screening. Even if your on-campus resources aren't equipped to do the tests, they should be able to tell you where you can go to get them. Again, these tests are the kind of thing that most sexual or reproductive health clinics will be able to provide, usually on a sliding scale. If you're going to be sexual with others, or want to become so soon, then you'll want to work out how you're going to protect yourself and your partners from unwanted pregnancy , STIs or both.

If you're already using a method like the pill or the ring , find out where you can go to get your prescription refilled when you arrive at school. If you're on a long-acting reversible method, like the IUD or implant, then you might be set for the duration of your time at school. That way, you don't have to worry about it until the end or close to the end of your studies. Long-acting methods like the IUD, implant or Depo-Provera shot are the most effective single methods and also the most goofproof, which can make life easier during those times when you are so tired you can barely remember your own name, let alone remember to take a pill at the same time every day.

Condoms are also the friend of the college student, as they perform the double duty of protecting against both STIs and pregnancy. Young people account for a large percentage of all new STI cases, and are also at higher risk for unintended pregnancy. So choosing a contraceptive that covers both those bases is a smart move. Many colleges have some way for their students to access condoms for free or low cost. Sometimes it's a vending machine in the bathroom, or a bowl in the LGBTQ resource center or student health center. As you're exploring campus, see if you can find out where the condoms are located.

A contraception treasure hunt, if you will.

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If your campus does not seem to have condoms available, you can always find them at places like drugstores or supermarkets in the town. They may not be free, but they're still very inexpensive. Who is responsible for having the condoms or other barriers when sex occurs? Not just guys, not just who initiated the first move. If you're sexually active or trying to be it's both good planning and good etiquette to have your barrier of choice ready to go. That way, in the event that sexy times are a go, you lower the chances of making an ill-conceived choice to take big risks by going without.

If you are planning on having sex, it's also sound to find out ahead of time where you can access emergency contraception should it be needed. Most pharmacies will be able to provide it, so find the closest one to where you'll be living. Additionally, if you're able to, buying a pack of EC ahead of time and storing it somewhere like a bedside table or medicine cabinet is a sound plan. That way, if you need it, it's already there. Really, the more research and pre-planning you do, the easier it is to keep stressful moments under control. In the event that you need a pregnancy test and want to do one at home, you can find a test in most drugstores.

We've written about how to use them here , and as with EC, it's sound to buy one ahead of time if you're going to be sexually active so that it's there should you need it. If you discover you're pregnant and want to end the pregnancy, you can research nearby clinics that provide abortions many clinics will also provide options counseling, if you are unsure what you want to do with an unintended pregnancy. If money is a concern, know that many clinics offer services on a sliding scale and that there are organizations like the National Network of Abortion Funds that might be able to assist you.

While we're on the subject of finding clinics, I want to remind you to watch out for CPCs crisis pregnancy centers: CPCs often place themselves near colleges, knowing that college students frequently experience unwanted or unplanned pregnancy.

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Because those who run them rarely have education, expertise or equipment needed to provide pregnancy care, even for those who want to choose to remain pregnant, CPCs aren't a good place to go. Sometimes they even don't use real tests for pregnancy, so even if a CPC seems like the only way you can find a way to test for pregnancy, know that they aren't even a reliable place to just get tested. If you're going somewhere to get a pregnancy test done, rather than buying a home test, call into your local hospital, or ask a general doctor or clinic, for options for free pregnancy testing from a qualified healthcare provider , or check with friends to see if anyone's gone to where you're going.

Or, you can call where you intend to go first, and ask them for a referral to an abortion clinic while you're on the phone.


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If they are already an abortion clinic, that's sorted. If they're not, but give you the number or name of a clinic that is, you can be quite sure you haven't called a CPC. At a CPC, they will either flat-out refuse to give you that information, or dance around the subject. What's the thing that must absolutely be present for sex to occur, as well as the number one way to prevent sexual assault? Make sure that consent is present in all of your sexual interactions with other people. Put simply, consent is an unambiguous, freely given, and enthusiastic "yes" to a sexual activity.

A person cannot consent to sex if they are asleep, afraid of what happens if they refuse, or as previously discussed under the influence of alcohol. Everyone involved needs to express consent, and everyone involved needs to obtain it, before sexy stuff happens. If consent is not present, then sex is a no-go. In addition to the fact that consent is necessary, it's also a conerstone of a good sex life and a healthy relationship overall.

Checking for and expressing consent leads to more thorough and open communication about desires and boundaries in bed, which tends to make sex more enjoyable for everyone. And the habits you learn by seeking and expressing consent the respect, the explicitness, the open and dynamic communication can, and should, translate into your non-sexual interactions with a partner. When it comes to other ways to prevent assault, much of the advice tends to focus on the potential victims. It's not bad advice, per se, and you can see a few examples of it in the illustration to the right.

Self-defense is am important skill and help for all of us for our safety. Sex is supposed to be fun.

Higher Learning: Navigating Sex and Relationships in College

If it stops being fun with someone, stop doing it. Everyone talks about sex a lot in college, but really, not everyone is having it. Don't feel bad or weird if you're not. It's totally OK to enter college a virgin. It's totally OK to leave college a virgin. Your decisions are your own -- you don't need to answer to anyone else.


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    • You'll be glad you did. Your friends are great sources of advice, but it can be helpful to talk to a professional if you have questions about birth control, protection, or mental health issues -- or if you're in an abusive relationship or have been sexually assaulted.

    College and university dating - Wikipedia

    Make sure to familiarize yourself with your campus' student health services. You don't have to have sex with someone to make them like you. And if you think someone won't like you just because you don't want to have sex, then you should probably rethink liking them. You will meet single people after you graduate!