I don't necessarily have a problem with these guys, but my family always does. That being said, I get it if you're currently dating a guy and you want him to How far you're into your relationship with your SO should determine how someone, you'll want to see how they interact with your parents and vice.
Table of contents
- 1. Understand Your Parent's Role
- My Parents Don’t Approve Of Who I’m Dating
- 4 Ways to Tell Your Family You Are Dating Outside Your Race
- How to Tell Your Parents You're Dating Someone They Hate
Whether they think that he's a "bad boy" type or simply don't think that he's right for their precious princess, telling your parents that you're dating someone they hate is a challenge that you must meet. Telling mom and dad that you're dating a girl they can't stand is likely to bring up powerful emotions.
1. Understand Your Parent's Role
As with any difficult conversation, before you open your mouth, look inward and identify your emotions. Take those feelings and use them in your conversation, suggests the article "Talking to Your parents -- or Other Adults" on the TeensHealth website. For example, tell them, "I need to tell you about who my new girlfriend is. But I'm worried that you'll be mad at me. Lying to your parents or only giving them part of the truth won't help your situation. Even though you're feeling scared or are worried that mom and dad will simply say no, lying about your new girl will make matters worse.
This goes for partial truths, too. For example, telling your parents that you are thinking about going out on a date with the girl when you've been dating her for the past few weeks isn't being honest. When they find out the truth, your parents aren't likely to continue trusting you or your judgment.
My Parents Don’t Approve Of Who I’m Dating
Talk to your parents or other closed-minded family members. You can choose if you want to make a big deal out of the conversation by telling them you need to talk about something important in advance, or if you would rather just bring it up more casually in conversation. Generally, making a big deal out of any topic puts people on the defensive by making them assume the worst beforehand.
Since you want your parents to be open and accepting, casually bringing it up might yield better results. Try saying over dinner, "Hey, did you know I have a new boyfriend? Try framing it as advice-seeking.
Instead of dropping the news, frame it as you seeking advice from them, which flatters them and makes them feel that you value their opinion and is thus more likely to get them on your team. I have this new girlfriend, and I like her a lot. But I think sometimes people treat us differently because she's white and I'm not. Have you ever dated someone outside our race?
If your parents challenge you or question why you are dating outside your race, your goal is to show them that you are mature and can handle whatever negativity they might dish out.
After all, if you pursue this relationship, you are likely to encounter bias out there in the world, since many people have issues with interracial dating and marriage. If a family member reacts in anger, starts yelling, or becomes overly emotional, stay calm, but don't continue the conversation. People are incapable of thinking rationally or really hearing you out if they become too emotional.
Let them know you will revisit the topic when they are not upset and you can talk about it calmly.
Prepare responses to common objections. There are several typical objections that some people have to interracial relationships, but fortunately there are also great responses. You want to get to know him and his family as individuals before judging his family for their race. Or, your parents might have their viewpoints because of their experience with people of that race. Offer to listen while your parents explain their point of view. After you have listened to your parents reasons, you could point out that it is not fair to generalize all people of that race based on a few negative experiences.
Do your best to have a reasonable discussion with your parents and avoid judging them before you have heard the whole story. Tell your family member you are aware that it might be harder to have an interracial relationship, but that you and your partner are prepared to deal with social consequences for your choice.
4 Ways to Tell Your Family You Are Dating Outside Your Race
You can also say that you don't intend to have children any time soon, and that you feel that you have enough time to prepare for that situation if it ever occurs. Be prepared to explain. Emphasize qualities and characteristics that you know your family would want in a partner for you, regardless of race. For example, talk up your partner's work ethic, academic achievements, or athletic ability, or mention that he or she has great manners, makes you feel special, and treats people with kindness.
Prepare yourself for consequences. If your parents are dead-set against letting you date outside your race, and if you are living at home and are a minor, you may have to follow your family's rules until you move out of the home. Otherwise, your family may punish you by grounding you or taking away privileges. If your parents forbid you from dating this person, you have to decide if you will obey their wishes. Realize that you do not need your family's approval. When you've moved out of the house and are supporting yourself as an adult, you can make relationship choices that your family disapproves of with less concern for their feelings on the matter.
For example, they may make comments about you behind your back, treat your partner unkindly at family get-togethers, or in more extreme cases, cut you off entirely or disinherit any potential children of the relationship. On the other hand, they may need some time to adjust to the news, but eventually come around and treat your partner with love and respect.
Because you are not living at home, you have the luxury of putting off telling your family if you want to.
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You can choose to make a point to tell your family sooner rather than later, or you can let them find out when it comes up naturally for example, on Facebook or during the holidays. If you think they are likely to overreact in a negative way, telling them upfront can spare your partner some embarrassment if they say or do something unkind. Otherwise, letting them find out on their own has a lot of benefits: It only shows them you are too immature to be in the relationship they are so worried about.
They will appreciate your desire to learn from their wisdom and respect their point of view. Are you willing to settle for someone who might be harmful to you in the long run, just because they appear to show interest in you in the short term?
How to Tell Your Parents You're Dating Someone They Hate
Your parents can help you answer that question without all the emotional fog you are experiencing. Someone who makes you a better person. If they observe that you are often sad or hurt, those are red flags for them. My significant other and I have been together 2 and a half years. Your email address will not be published.