Dr. Kevin Leman concurs. Leman is a former family counselor turned author and public speaker. “When you get two first borns together, they tend to be bossy.
Table of contents
- Who you should marry based on your birth order
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- If you are a middle child...
- What Your Birth Order Says About Your Relationships - mindbodygreen
Who you should marry based on your birth order
If compromise is the cornerstone of a good relationship, middle children have a leg up on other birth order types. Youngest children are often attention seekers, risk takers and charmers. On the negative side, they often expect others to make decisions for them and can be a little too flighty for some partners.
On the bright side, youngest children are more likely to loosen up a serious-natured first-born child. News Politics Entertainment Communities. Opinion HuffPost Personal Videos. Relationships with a youngest born may be a little more rocky, she said. Why You are the Way You are ," birth order can influence the health of a partnership.
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Leman references a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family that evaluated the relationship quality of business executives and their partners based on birth order combinations. The distinct traits associated with different birth orders, some of which are outlined in study in Human Nature , can serve as a gauge for whether or not two people will make a good match. Using Leman's book and the previous studies, we've identified the best and worst mates based on birth order.
Remember, this is only a general guide and not all marriages and individuals will follow this pattern. According to a study by Walter Toman, a professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Erlangen-Nuremberg in Germany, on 3, families , you have pretty good odds of a successful marriage if you're a firstborn who marries a lastborn. Leman says that is because there's an opposites-attract thing going on.
The firstborn is more Type A, and teaches the lastborn little things about organisation, whereas the lastborn helps keep the atmosphere light and reminds the firstborn not to take everything so seriously.
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According to the study, the best possible match is a firstborn female with a lastborn male, because their needs are in harmony with each other. Hillary and Bill Clinton are a famous firstborn couple. A firstborn with another firstborn , Leman writes, is likely to be a power struggle.
They tend to bump heads because firstborns can be perfectionists and like having things done their own way, so it's all a matter of control. That doesn't mean you're doomed from the start, though. For example, Hillary and Bill Clinton, who have been married 41 years, are both firstborns.
If you are a middle child...
To learn to let go, Leman writes that you should stop trying to improve your spouse, and instead bite your tongue and stop criticising. He also says that you should define your roles carefully, so there's no power play over who pays the bills or who does the shopping. Firstborn-middle child relationships can be confusing for firstborns, because middle children can be closed off and bad at communicating their feelings.
Leman says that these couples should learn to open up to each other more, and firstborns should encourage middle children to speak by asking things like: As the rule goes, Leman says, middle children do not communicate well, and this is twice as bad in a middle child partnership. They don't tend to confront each other about things, because they feel it isn't worth the hassle, and instead bottle up their emotions. Middle children supposedly have the best track record for building a lasting marriage, because they grow up learning to compromise and negotiate with their siblings, according to Leman.
However, this can be confusing to their partners because middle children can often hide their emotions instead of talking about what they really feel.
What Your Birth Order Says About Your Relationships - mindbodygreen
Compromising middle children are a good match for lastborns. Or, to keep things simple, just find little ways of building up each others' self-esteem by doing special things for each other. It's also important to make sure to give each other plenty of space for outside friendships and to show each other a lot of mutual respect, like phoning to say if you're running late.